She's Only Happy in the Sun

Somehow, perhaps because of my need to leave this godforsaken city, I have been coerced into camping at the beach tonight.  Armed with only a tent, a sheet, a pillow, and my bathing suit I plan to swim this evening and sun all day tomorrow....  I suppose we will see how that goes for me.  There is, however, a hotel right by where we are camping so I suppose if I just can't take it, that's where I'll be.  :)

I'm hoping the ocean and the sun can wash off the funk that the city has injected into me. 

No Car=No Fun

Today, despite having an awful day at school yesterday, an awful day at home, and waking up in an awful mood this morning I was hopeful for the day.  I finally received a desk at school to do my work and I was going dancing tonight.  I haven't REALLY been dancing since I've been here and this was a class with really good dancers.  The class was to begin at 6.  Jodie and I hit the street corner at 5:15 to get a taxi to a location only 5 minutes (by car) from our apartment.  At 6:30 we walked back into the apartment.  Having been in two taxis, paid three dollars and having only made it 4 blocks away.  I hate taxis.  They won't pick up a white girl.  Then traffic is INSANE between the hours of, oh 4 and 8.  So, that means NO LIFE FOR ME seeing as I don't get home until 4:30.  All I wanted was to dance.  My personal life is non existent here and my job isn't great right now.....  I wanted to do one thing I like.  Just one.  Not a lot to ask.  I just need a car.  But I can't afford one.  Because I thought, Hey living in a city this big means I don't have to have a car....   I was wrong.

 I.  Hate.  Panama.  Today.

My Classroom

I know you've all been dying to see this.  Well here it is, my classroom.

Jealous, aren't you?

Day at Santa Clara.....

It was time for another beach trip.  It was the first beautiful day in a while, so we left early and come home late.  I, needless to say, am burnt.  Lovely day, lovely friends.  School tomorow.  

No Blanco Para Tu

Today was supposed to be the day we did something outdoorsy... alas Panama weather had other plans for us.  Instead of outdoors we settled for a huge mall.  Jodie and I went with the purpose of finding clothes.  While at a department store Jodie wanted to try on a white shirt and a cream-ish dress.  When we got to the dressing rooms the attendant TOOK HER CLOTHES, told her "no blanco para tu.... otro colores"  Then proceeded to take the clothes Jodie picked out and came back with other colors...  We found this strange but just laughed about it.  Get this, EVERY store we went into told her no white.  One went as far as NOT LETTING HER TRY IT ON.  Weird, right?  Maybe it's some weird law, you have to be a certain shade on the color scale to wear white.  Thank God I wasn't trying to wear it..... Jodie looks hispanic next to me.

Friends!

Here are few of the new friends I've made here in Panama. Most of them are teachers at the International School of Panama, but two of them are Panamanians that we've met! This is the reason that I'm having fun here!

It's a desk!!!!!

I feel like a proud new mother.... my furniture has finally arrived.  Mind you, it only came after I went and fulfilled my "bitch white girl" role.  The nice men came and put it together for me.  Now if I could only get things put up on the wall then I'd be happy.

This weekend I believe I am going hiking, so I'll try to post some pictures.

If we're all chiefs then who are the indians?

So I am halfway through the second week of school.  The kids are adjusting as well as can be expected to lots of new rules from a new principal and new teachers....  The hot weather and the fact that I run up down the hallways in it are beginning to get to me.  I am worn out by three o'clock and then add to that I am getting up an hour earlier than I used to and getting home almost an hour later.   I know that eventually my body will adjust.  

On another note, I am entertaining the idea of working with a group that helps educate local kids that are HIV positive on how to prevent AIDS.  Our school sponsors a group and I thought that this may be a good opportunity to make a positive impact because God knows, I am not making a difference teaching these kids music.  At least not here.  

I had dinner with a fellow american tonight and we were discussing the personalities of all the international hires here.  It's an interesting situation.  We all have HUGE personalities and all desire to be the big chief but no one wants to follow.  Amazingly enough, if you know me, you will be surprised to hear that I am (for right now) the most mellow and reserved.  I am the one who doesn't quite fit in.  I am more conservative than most of them and I have different ideas of fun.  

I, to my astonishment, have become an indian.......

The Case of the Missing Furniture

Almost two weeks later and no furniture.  They swear to me everyday that they are coming and I come home and wait and waste my afternoon and they never come.... (not that I have plans or friends or a life or anything.....)  I want my desk.  Or I want my money.  One or the either.  And I can't tell them this because I don't speak spanish well enough.  Lame-O.  

On another note:  School was ok today.  The kids still feel like they can do as they please but I am going to give it a few weeks.  Jodie, my roommate, says that she thinks there is no way the new addition will be done in three weeks.  I hate hearing people say that.  It makes me sad.  I want a classroom.  I am running up and down the hallways (outdoor hallways) that are hotter than sin and sweating and being all icky.  I hate icky.

Sal Se Puede

Today was the third day of school with students AND the first half day.  Every Wednesday is a half day with the afternoon devoted to staff development (and coincidentally time for SACS preparation....)  The morning flew by with every minute taken up with classes.  The kids were a bit better, not much, but a bit.  Because of their upbringing I believe that teaching them they are not in charge and cannot do as they please will be a difficult task.  

After the students left and I sat through an excruciatingly long meeting about God knows what and then it was almost time to go.  This afternoon it was like a saying here (and also what they a call a road leading into and out of the old city) "Sal Se Puede"  Get out if you can.  We were all on a mad dash to get out of school.  It's not felt like actual teaching yet because everything about my situation is so impermanent.  It makes me feel like a visitor.  I am enjoying the longer class time with the older kids BUT I am finding the long classes with kindergarten TOO much especially because I see them twice a week.  That is almost twice the attention span of a 5 year old and then add in the fact that most of them don't speak english well, if at all.  I am still completely fascinated by the many different nationalities represented in my classes.  In my fourth grade class alone I had 11 different countries represented.  It is amazing.

Sadly and much to my amazement, the board has asked me to remove my nose ring.  Even though there are four other teachers with them AND I had it when they hired me.  They say that mine is more noticeable because of my small nose and light skin.  I, however, had a meeting with them in which I have agreed to look for one without a stone and that is a bit smaller.  I told them that if, when they hired me, they had told me about this I may not have taken a job where I had to change something about myself. Hopefully, this solution will appease them.

At home: my roommates and I are getting along.  I am so glad Jodie, the girl from RI, is here.  She makes me feel a bit more at home.  We have hired a maid to come twice a week (never in my life have I had a maid) and I have LOVED coming home to a clean kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, clean clothes that are ironed and put away, and mopped floors.  It makes it more possible to relax.  I love it.  I love her.  I may ask her to run away with me.... ok maybe not, but you get the point.

Things are going fairly well here.  I am still adjusting to being here but I feel I will be ok.  I miss everyone at home and I miss familiarity but that's part of the reason I am here.  To make change easier for me.

So, for now, I am here to stay and to make it work.... but find me at 3:30 in the school parking lot and it's "Sal Se Puede".

Stars Falling

A meteorological event has had a strange effect on me today.  It has marked the passing of a year where my life has changed completely and, I believe, with it I have changed as well.  One year ago a relationship changed, I began to love myself, I found friends that I love more than my own life, I took the first steps in a long journey, my heart has been broken, I’ve fallen from the top to the bottom in minutes, I’ve left people I love, I found myself only to lose me once more, and I ran from everything I have ever known to a place that is completely foreign to me.  It’s been a long year and not always a good one. 

 

Knowing what I know now and where I would end up, would I go back and do it all again?  Would this be the life I choose?

The Apartment

The Living Room

The View from the Apartment

The Kitchen

My Room

First Day of School

Well.  I made it through the first day.  It was very hectic in the morning because of the construction/various ages of children/rainy weather/and overall disorganization.  I only had three classes today because kindergarten does not stay all day.  I traveled to all three classrooms and found this both difficult and an ineffective way to teach.  We are so cramped for space that some teachers are sharing rooms.... so my first class today was while another class worked on the other side of the room.  Ineffective and ridiculous.  My initial observations of the kids are this: they have been allowed to live without structure and discipline and so now they seem to think all decisions made by anyone else can and will be ignored.  They better just hold on to their seats if they think that is how I will work.  I have gotten the same response from other teachers that have taught in the US and Canada.  Overall, in Panama, there is a total lack of structure which is evident by the absence of a set curriculum, two recess times scheduled during the day, and a willingness to let kids make decisions for themselves all the time.  Now, I think the kids are sweet and I can't begin to tell you what it's like to have 10 different nationalities represented in a classroom.  It is very interesting.  I am hoping tomorrow that classes will be more organized.  We'll see.

On a similar, yet different note.  Our furniture that we ordered STILL has not arrived a week later even after a promise it would be delivered on Thursday.  I had to have a co-worker from the school call to track them down and make them swear they would bring this evening.  Fingers crossed.  I am reminded over and over that I am in Panama and it's just the way things are done.  Maybe, before I leave, I'll get the hang of it.

Pictures of Playa del Palmar

A storm came up on the beach while we were hanging.  

Me.  In Panama.  Having fun.

Black, sandy beaches and grown men in tiny swimsuits.

Este is muy divertido......

I am really excited to have my first really positive day in Panama.... 

Let's start with yesterday:  After a disappointing day at school (that's another story) I left school with Andrea, Jodie, and Marilyn and we embarked on an adventure to get manicures and pedicures.  Over an hour later we reached the city (it's only 15 miles) and we waited for another hour..... long story short, it was fun to just hang out with worrying about time and to-do lists.... PLUS a mani/pedi only costs 14 dollars.  If that doesn't make you happy, I'm not sure anything could.  We went to dinner afterwards at a great Lebanese restaurant with Mike and Jon and just relaxed.  We got up this morning and LEFT THE CITY to go to the beach.  Now, you think, Kari you are already living on the water and yes, that's true BUT the water in the city is so polluted that you can't swim in it.  You have to get an hour or so out of the pollution.  Anyways, we drove over the bridge of the Americas (it's the first time I've seen it despite being here two weeks) then headed to the beach.  It took us about an hour and a half.  We stopped at a veggie stand, drive through the town of Playa del Palma and found the black sandy beaches.  It was absolutely beautiful and HOT most of the day, rained in the afternoon (we found shelter at a bar with .80 beer.....) and swam again before leaving.  It was so interesting to see the mountainous terrain that reminded me of Asheville sprinkled with Palm trees, bananas, and coconuts.  The people were mostly friendly and all entertaining.  We saw a movie after we came back to the city.  It was a complete day of fun.  No responsibility, no stress over language, no worries.... really, no se preocupe.  I needed just one day like this.  A reminder as to why I came to Panama.  Tomorrow, I'll prepare for the first day of school.

 

I'll try to post a picture of the beach tomorrow, but for tonight..... I'll sleep well, slightly sunburnt, exhausted, and on my way to happiness(I think).

No Se Preocupe

Ok.  So I know this has been a week too late.... but here I am.  In Panama.  It's been one of the longest weeks of my life.  The people that I have met that I will be living and working with are amazing.  Everyone is just as nervous and excited as I am.  The process that I had to go through to get an apartment was just insane and hard.  I've been doing considerably well, I think, considering.  That is, until today.  It was my last day before school started and I ran around all day trying to buy things I needed for the apartment with my roommate, Jodie.  Nothing has been easy.  No matter how hard I try, my spanish is not good enough, cabbies don't want to pick up a white girl, I can't get the modem to work because I can't call and talk to the internet company because (again) I don't speak spanish, shopping at the mall for things I need was hard because when buying things like laundry baskets, pots and pans, and kitchen supplies you have to carry them around.... and when you have no car to put them in it makes the whole process DIFFICULT!  To top it all off the Panamanian attitude is "No se preocupe"   meaning..... don't worry about it  Thats right.... nothings going well for you?  don't worry about it.  If you know me you will know that's not possible for me.  

Don't get me wrong, everything here is ok.  I just would like one thing to be easier.  I am here, in the country, with no friends, where everyone speaks another language that I am desperately trying to learn and everything is hard and new.  

SO..... no se preocupe, verdad?